this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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