Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
