somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
