There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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