That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
