Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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