I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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