you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
