I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
