11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too high and old for this...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
