At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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