Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry about my life...
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