May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
