It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
