Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
