Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
