I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
