Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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