tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
