The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
