Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
