he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
