I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize