he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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