I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
