im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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