I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's never too late to be topless.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
