Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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