i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
