I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
