so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
