Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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