he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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