i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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