she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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