Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
