I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
