Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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