I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
