Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We have started to decorate penises.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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