No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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