Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
