I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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