I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
