Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
