for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
