i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
