I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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