I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
