just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
