I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
