Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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