Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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