So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
