I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
