In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
