So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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