i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
