I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just found puke in my bra..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
