STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Vodka?
Forever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
