while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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