This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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