You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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