none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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