I want to have your abortion
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
