There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
