what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
