Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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