so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
