The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
honey bunches of taint.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
