worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
