Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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