Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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